There are no words.

I have made it to my host family. Let me just say that Cadiz/San Fernando is like no place I have ever been. I know that I am going to sound like the whitest, richest, and most marin girl ever, but let me just say that this is the ghetto. I mean, its not dangerous, but the buildings are very rundown, there is always the faint smell of sewage and cooking grease, there is patio furiture everywhere, garbage, grafitti, and small children running around screaming. It is very humid, and this morning, I was awoken to the sound of pouring rain. I have never seen a house so small always filled with people. My bedroom is tiny. Smaller than anything i could have ever imagined but it works for what i need it for. It used to be the daughters room, which she shared with her baby and husband. The kitchen is smaller than my bedroom back at 18 venus. It is just about the same size as gideons bedroom. I know this sounds like a lot of compaining, and it is. I just need to get out of this negative mind set, which i seem to be constantly stuck it. There are tvs in every room, and they are always on. I watched the simpsons in Spanish, family guy, spanish soaps (with Fini of course), and ben stillers movies.



There is always food around. And it is not always even Spanish food. Last night, Fini offered me some ¨cocoa especial¨and I expected some exotic spanish chocolate treat, and as i drank it, it tasted vaguly familiar. When I asked Fini what it was, she smiled broadly and said ¨Nesquik!¨ I laughed. Last night, she made me eggs. And because I haven´t eat two fried eggs straight up in over two years, I almost threw up. I felt so bad because she doesn´t really know what to cook for me and she takes great pride in her cooking. I am slowly learning how to bury little bits of cut up food underneath the salad that is on my plate so it looks like i have eaten. I just feel bad. But, I am eating enough, and not going hungry, which is good.

Even though I have only been here for 24 hours, it feels like a loooong time. I guess because I don´t ever know what anyone is saying. You know when you put on a movie in Spanish, watch 10 minutes of it, laugh because you can kinda understand but not really, then switch it to english to truly enjoy the film, well imagine never being able to change it to english.



I am sorry that this post is so unfocused, but the past 24 hours have been so filled with emotions that is hard to sort everything out. I had an hour of school orientation today, which was crazy. Everyone was talking all at once, very fast, all the time. The teacher that I met tried to slow down for me, but i still had no idea what the f was going on. There is an German exchange student in the class named Stephanie, and she has been here for one week longer than me, and her spanish is better and she knows some english, which is quite nice for me. But, it is not her job to help me understand, and I donn´t want to put that burden on her.



People eat at all times during the day here because there is no room for a big sit down meal inside. We would go outside, but it has been raining since I got here. So, I was eating with Fini (who i spend the mst time with) and she asking about Joe being a doctor and so on. She told meabout her life, which was very interesting.

She has 5 sisters, grew up in Cadiz, and her father died when she was very young. She had to leave school when she was 10 or 11 and work in a factory for 12 years to support her family. Then she got married to Rafael, had two kids and is now a housewife. She is the one who mostly takes care of Juan Manuel or ¨juama¨as they call him. Let me just say that Juama is a lot of work. He cries for chocolate all of the time, and when he hits anyone, they just smack him back, which i think is really funny. I think that Rafael drives hearsts for funerals. I think is what he told me, but he is the one who i don´t understand at all. He speaks quickly and his accent is so harsh, that it might as well be russian.

They way they speak here is much different than in northen spain. Instead of lisping, they just drop the ¨s¨altogether. So, escuela becomes cuela. It is very confusing.



I just kind of feel like an ass fuck all of the time. I try so hard to help and speak, but no one understands what i am saying, so i end up making fool of myself.



Final thoughts--



This place has SO SO SO many amazing things to photograph, which gives me something to do. I will post photos in the future. I miss everyone and everything, but i know that this is something that will make me so much stronger and give me a totally new vision of my life. Ok, i have my first full day of school tomorrow and let me just say, FUCK TAM FOR NOT GIVING CREDIT FOR THIS YEAR. this is harder than any god-damn honors or A.P class, and it will impact me so much more.



thanks for reading

much love!

violeta