This is what eating home-made yogurt has turned me into....

A few days ago, I had the pleasure of going to see Cirque de Soleil in Sevilla. What an amazing show. But really. Incredible. The costumes, make-up, routines, every little detail, perfectly planned out. It really blew my mind.

After that we walked around Sevilla. The night was perfect. It was warm and without a breeze. I have been to Sevilla in the day, and I think it is more beautiful at night. i now know that i have no real desire to go back to Marin, to high school, to any of that. i would much rather travel the world, meeting cool people, and doing cool things than going back to Tam for another year. That then raises the question...do I really want to go to University? Well, yes and no. I would love to go to a place where learning is the key factor, where people want to learn, and college is an experience that has been built up to a such a grand endeavor in my life that i will end up going. But living abroad, and going to school overseas is just so much better. meeting such amazing people. I don´t want to do an exchange in college, but i have met exchange students in college and they only thing they want to do is party. I want to live, work, and be member in a community such as Sevilla, Madrid, Paris.....Places like that. I know that I am going to take a year off before college, probably work for 6 months and then travel for 6 months. But I am just so unsure of I what I want to do.

So, yes, I am someone who is always in thinking about the future. Or at least, that is what it seems. I feel like my thoughts are always pointed towards next year, towards college, or I seem to always be waiting for something. But that was the same last year as well. Every thought of mine was focused on Spain, SPain, SPAin, SPAIn, SPAIN!

But, even though my mind is in the future, I also feel really in the present. I go on a lot of walks and I spend a lot of time alone, which when added together, is the same as a lot of time to think and be overwhelmed by everything (in a good way). The other day, I was riding the bus to San Fernando, to go to see a movie. It was just around 7 pm and the sun was setting. Let me take a minute to describe how magnificent the sun-sets are. So amazing. When there are no clouds, it blows me away to see the bright red sun setting behind a church or what not. So, anyways, there I was, listening to Beirut and sitting on a bus. We passed a salt mill/farm/factory, and at that very moment, the sun was poised perfectly on top of a huge pile of salt. It was divine. A large glittering mound of particles with a large orange sun making is seem unreal. At that moment, I felt so, so, at peace, I guess. I don´t know how to describe an emotion that I have only felt here.

Last weekend, I was walking around Cádiz alone, taking picture of the Carnival festivities and got completely lost. For those who know me well, I have the shittiest sense of direction. At 10 years of age, I thought that Paradise Drive was Stinstion Beach and at 16 years of age, I tried to get drive to a place in San Francisco and ended up on Treasure Island. Well, I did not surprise me that I turned the corner and was in the middle of no where, but I wasn´t in any hurry, so I just let my self and my camera wander. I walked for a good half hour, letting my Diana + lead the way. It was so calming and once again, I had this pleasant peace. I had no hurry, no place to be, no one waiting for me to be home. I was on my own time, in a place that was almost like a fairy-tale, seeing people who I did not know and I just felt like a pleasant humming of joy through-out my body. That is what it was. A pleasant humming of joy.

I am just so checked-out of my Marin life. I have no extra-curricular activities, have no job, no car, no one who calls or texts me frequently. It is a strange 9 month vacation. I am not at all saying that I love having so much free time, because a lot of the time, I feel so lazy. I miss having events to plan, meetings to run, and a real community that I am part of.

I have almost been here for 6 months. Every time I think about leaving, I get a strange rush of dread and joy. I am excited to return and take what I have learned here to apply to my life back home but at the same time, leaving just seems too soon. I have had dreams where it is my last day here and I always wake up with a panic.

I just bought my plane tickets to Paris and Vienna. I am so excited!!! I feel like an adult, kind of functioning (but somehow fucking up important details) and travelling across Europe. What luck I have. It seems unreal.